Deirdre Flint - The Shuffleboard Queens album review
The initial charm of Deirdre Flint - The Shuffleboard Queens is the shock value and provocative subject matter as this folk album has a different narrative than most folk albums. In fact this folk album spans to all types of musical styles. Her solid lyrics are what make the album entertaining. She gets deep and personal on songs such as Past Life Regressed. There are love songs such as We Fit Right and The Shuffleboard Queens.
Bridesmaid Dress Song is a song about Deirdre’s cousin Mary who had the experience of being a bridesmaids on several occasions. Deirdre and Mary go buy wedding dresses. Only for Mary to dislike the designs on her wedding dress which turned out to be hideous. They say that love is blind and a bride to be can prove it. Because what they pick for bridesmaids is a heinous fashion crime.
Mary volunteered to be a bridesmaid at a reception on a dinner cruise. Despite the lace and ribbons, Mary looked divine. She was so fine. But another psycho bridesmaid gets jealous of her beauty. So that psycho bridesmaid pushed poor Mary into the brine. Mary floated on for days because the bustle made her buoyant. Until floating to an island which natives inhabit. Mary sent out a handwritten distress note floating out to sea in a pillbox hat which lands in the hands of a Miami plastic surgeon. Mary and the surgeon get caught in a squall in the ocean. Luckily they both survived unscathed and unharmed. They married two weeks later and our Mary wrote a book. She made $10 million on her video and tour. She now lives in a mansion with her husband.
A lot of sarcasm and cynicism is used sporadically throughout the song which of course makes everything so humourous.
Deirdre’s cousin Mary is a real good friend. So she's a bridesmaid for the tenth time. They say that love is blind and a bride to be can prove it. Because what they pick for bridesmaids is a heinous fashion crime. She pays $300 dollars for a dress the bride is claiming, "If you hem it, you can wear it as a cocktail dress." Well, sure. (Yeah really.)
If you hem it, redesign the sleeves, tear off the bows and rhinestones, tuck in the sash and dye it black, well then, $500 dollars later you will end up with a gown that is quite obviously a bridesmaid dress altered to be worn as a cocktail dress.
Well, she called Mary when the dress came in and said, "I can't believe it, but this one wins the prize for the most piteous." Deirdre said, "You've got a wide brimmed melon hat. Nothing could be worse than that." But it was. The wedding dress was hideous. It was yards of silken aqua foamy green with lace and ribbons. It was Scarlett crawling back up from the dead. She shoved her feet into a set of matching 4 inch heels.
Someday jumbo butt bows will be the rage. And someday jade silk long gloves will be the power dress for corporate lunches. That's what Deirdre’s hunch is.
They brought the bellbottoms back. They said it couldn't be done. It's just a question of when. Deirdre tells Mary, “Don't trash that satin. I'm telling you, girl. You'll use that dress again.”
The reception was a dinner cruise that sailed into the bay. Despite the lace and ribbons, Mary looked divine. She was so fine. But another psycho bridesmaid who was jealous of her beauty. That psycho bridesmaid lured her up onto the deck and pushed poor Mary into the brine. Mary floated on for days because the bustle made her buoyant. The sharks could not bite through the crinoline skirt.
Her parasol turned over caught her 10 fresh quarts of water until she landed on the last uncharted island, whether beaten but unhurt. She turned the rhinestones sunward, the reflection made a fire. The natives were impressed with what they saw for they dined on wild bobcat. Mary caught with bow and arrow. She'd refashioned from the wire of her under wire bra and she said, “Hey! This jumbo butt bow will make a nifty rescue flag. I'll sew this extra bustle into a sleeping bag. I'll pay the natives fake pearls. They'll go and carve me a boat. And I'll be homeward again. I'm sure that this skirt will yield three full sails. I'm using this dress again.”
A Miami plastic surgeon came upon Mary's distress note she'd sent floating out to sea in a pillbox hat. And as Mary waylaid anchor, he fell instantly in love. He jumped into his private yacht and set to sail where he thought she'd be at.
A squall came from the south. The handsome surgeon's boat took water. He prepared himself to die amidst the wreck. But as his head was going under, he heard, "Grab onto this butt bow and our true love pulled him from the turgid waters safely up onto her deck." Luckily they survived. They married two weeks later and our Mary wrote a book. She made $10 million on her video and tour. And these days when someone calls her at her mansion and says, "Hey! Will you be my bridesmaid?" Mary answers, "Sure! Just dress me in one hundred butt bows and all the matching pastel gear. Sure! I'd love a hoop skirt! I want to buy another oddly shaped brassiere. It needs more rhinestones. I think a nice tiara might help. What this dress needs is a train!"
So take a page from Mary. She's doing well. Though you might feel foolish, you might look like hell. Don't trash that satin. You never can tell, girls. You'll use that dress again.
Deirdre gets enticed by the ways of exotic belly dancing on the song Introduction to Belly Dancing. Deirdre signed up for a belly dancing class to please an inattentive lover whom had not been paying attention her. She hopes that by belly dancing that he will get her attention. However she kicked him to the curb only 3 classes in.
Deirdre signed up for a belly dancing class to please an inattentive lover. She kicked him to the curb 3 classes in
2 years and 4 men later, she is the queen of non-commitment. But she still goes to class on Wednesday nights from 8 PM to 10 PM Thursday through Tuesday. She’ll buy those magazines with the half-translucent models and the articles on pleasing men. She curses herself at every meal do penance and do buns of steel. And on Wednesday nights she find herself again.
Watch her whirl, watch her sway. Sometimes people go to see her gig down at the Marrakesh Café. Every movement is a sentence in a fine erotic prayer. Deirdre thinks some answer to her soul is written there. Her classmate Annie says she thinks their teacher leans towards women. No surprise there because that's how Ann does sway. She's not the only one to have designs upon their teacher. Her heart leaps like Barishnikov whenever she smiles her way.
Breathlessly she rushes in kicks off her boots takes off her sweater. She says, “Hey, I've gained 5 pounds. I think it makes the dance much better.” They follow her directions. They both show their imperfections with pride. Ann thinks she thinks they’re beautiful. Watch her whirl, watch her spin. She'd send a guy with a foot fetish three sheets into the wind. And the candlelight throws diamonds in her jasmine scented hair. Watch her whirl, watch her spin.
Sometimes she joins them at the table at the Marrakesh Café. The business cards pour in. But she never reads them. She never thinks about those guys who'd gladly leave their well-carved lives o follow in the naked footsteps of this one or who'd never need them. Even the veils pay her homage as they dance against her skin. And Deirdre longs to breathe the secrets that her hands tell to the air.
5/5*****!
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Richard Cheese - Snappier Than Ever: The Original Songs album review
Richard Cheese came out snappier and more provocative on his 2021 album Richard Cheese - Snappier Than Ever: The Original Songs. This album is a new digital compilation album featuring Richard Cheese's most popular *original* songs from his 20+ year recording career. Some of you may be thinking, “Finally. Some original songs from Richard Cheese.” A majority of this album relies heavily on that vintage lounge jazz sound of yesteryear.
Hannukah In Las Vegas is a comedic take on his experience of Hannukah in Las Vegas, Nevada. Hannukah In Las Vegas was a song he wrote in 2006. The song is a lounge bossa nova jazz style comedy song where he sings.
Hannukah in Las Vegas is a festival of neon lights. (It's a festival of neon lights.) Bet a dollar and eat some challah. The Las Vegas strip is sure kosher tonight. There's a menorah on the Tropicana and a stripper wearing just a yarmulke. Hannukah in Las Vegas has 8 swingin' nights. The Baruch Atah Adonai blessing is sung by a showgirl choir. When it's time to light the candles each night, Penn & Teller set them on fire. (What Penn & Teller did was set the candles to the menorah on fire at the right time.)
All the yentas make stops at the Forum Shops The tzimmes is made with Carrot Tops. Try the lambchops. The cantors are playing poker. They use chocolate coins for chips. All the rabbis bet on dreidel roulette. And the casino moyel takes tips. Hannukah in Las Vegas is a real gelt trip! (It's a real gelt trip!) Well, the shamash here is The Stratosphere. And David Copperfield makes the latkes disappear. Sammy's watching from above. Hannukah in Las Vegas. What's not to love?
Richard sings about how he has the town of Las Vegas, Nevada on his mind in the song Vegas On My Mind. This is another extravagant Las Vegas themed song on the album. For some reason, Richard likes to sing about the town of Las Vegas, Nevada. The song was written during his time in Lounge Against The Machine back in 2000.
Richard has been dreaming about a little town out in Nevada called Las Vegas. And even when he can't be there, he still thinks about it every day. Every day his brain goes on a trip. All roads lead him to the Las Vegas strip. He has got Vegas on his mind.
He only goes to buy cherries in a set of three. When he sees an onion, his immediate thought is dice. His salads are Caesars. A plastic fork dispenser is a slot machine. And every 7-Eleven is nice. He thinks of roulette when he sees a hubcap. The elevator buttons are a keno bet. And there's a royal flush in his toilet. Tonight his credit score is 702. He can't wait to see that deluxe strip view.
His chest X-ray shows prime ribs. He has got a Flamingo in his yard. His fireplace has a poker. And when he can't fall asleep, he counts cards.
Let’s Lounge is the lounge jazz answer to the song Guy - Let’s Chill. Richard tells people to leave their troubles behind and to just lounge. The message of this song is “Leave your troubles laying around and let's lounge.”
Well, there's trouble brewin' all around. Crime is up and the dollar's down. The sea is black and the air is brown. And the meter is in the red. Let's lounge. No more thinkin'. Just keep drinkin'.
Life can drive you up the wall. Your beer is warm and your steak is cool. You're losing sleep and you're failing school. Your immediate supervisor is a tool. You try so hard but you get nowhere. But do not fight and do not fret. Why stand when you can fall?
So if your lady's loose and your money's tight. If you're in a tunnel without a light. Here's a phrase for you to recite. But don't bother singin' it right. Let's Lounge. Listen to Richard Cheese.
Drink to Hawaii explained how Richard was thirsty for a vacation but couldn’t afford to take a vacation because traveling is expensive. So he’ll use his imagination to make the trip come true since he can't afford the trips.
Richard has been thirsting for an island vacation. But he can't afford the airline reservation. So he’ll use his imagination to make the trip come true. He’ll take a sip or two of tropical libation.
He’ll take a Chi Chi to Waikiki and a Zombie to Ka'anapaali. He’ll use a Mai Tai, to get to Kauai. He’ll ride a Hurricane to Lanikai. He’ll drink a Lava Flow and dream of old Hilo. Make it a Blue Hawaiian because he is not in Waimanalo. Richard guesses that he’ll just drink to Hawaii and taste paradise on his lips
He’ll fly a Pina Colada to Ala Moana and a Bahama Mama to Ka'a'awa. A Planters Punch to Hanauma Bay. Go with Dr. Funk to the Hana Highway. Thanks to a Scorpion Bowl, he’ll see the Halona Blow Hole. And with a Pineapple Passion, he’ll meet a gal from Dole. He’ll climb Diamond Head with a Daiquiri. He’ll sail a Navy Grog to Pearl City. He’ll take a Lychee Martini to his Molokini wahine.
Baby Stay The Fuck Away From Me was a song Richard Cheese written about a lady he was in love with but did not want to have sexual intercourse with because he feared the fact she might have the COVID virus. So he rudely tells her to stay the fuck away from him in a dirty comedy manner. Baby Stay The Fuck Away From Me was a song Richard Cheese and Mark Jonathan Davis had written during the COVID pandemic times back in 2020.
This lady has the most beautiful face Richard ever seen. But statistically she has probably got COVID 19. Richard tells her, “So baby stay the fuck away from me. I have a passion for distancing socially. And as much as I love you, I'm gonna keep upwind of you. Baby stay the fuck away from me. “Richard has a passion for distancing socially. But he misses her soft kisses and tender embraces. But they can't 69 with masks on their faces.
He longs to suck her vaginal area and put his fingers in her mouth like he used to do. But speaking clinically that would put him in the ICU. So Richard has to tell her, “So baby stay the fuck away from me or else you'll be my ex permanently. And as much as I love you, I'm fine with just a picture of you. You know that I love you, when I masturbate I'll be thinking of you.” And as much as he loves her, he is fine with just a picture of her. When he masturbates he’ll be thinking of her.
These lyrics to the last part of the song is what the song hilarious.
And as much as I love you, I'm fine with just a picture of you
Baby stay the fuck away from me
You know that I love you, when I masturbate I'll be thinking of you
Baby stay the fuck away from me
I miss your soft kisses and your tender embraces
But we can't 69 with masks on our faces
5/5*****!
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Ice T - OG Original Gangster album review
Ice T - OG Original Gangster is and was one of the roughest gangsta rap albums of 1991 which uses a balance of gangsta rap, sex rap, spoken word, thrash metal. One thing his album has is a balanced level of subject material. There are no songs worth skipping as each song is on point lyrically and production wise. However this album is more gangsta rap oriented than his last album.
This Ice T album is a legendary old school rap album that any fan of Ice T or gangsta rap should have in their collection. Ice T - OG Original Gangster is one of the best gangsta rap albums of 1991 and is a golden poignant classic that is still relevant today. This is one of the greatest hip hop/rap albums of all time!
5/5*****!
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MC Smooth – Smooth & Legit: The Album album review
MC Smooth – Smooth & Legit: The Album is one of the best female rap albums from the year 1990. A super dope classic that most certainly extremely underrated. Her flows are exciting and attract audiences. Her flows were smooth. Her songs most certainly had bars that were fire due to her flows. MC Smooth was killing it her flows and rapping on this album. You don't hear this kind of rap anymore. MC Smooth is the dopest female MC along with several others to ever do it.
Despite being released in 1990, her debut album has a very much 80s based sound due to the production and instrumentation. The lack of reverb is prevalent. The beats very much scream 80s or at least late 80s with those thick staccato drums and loud thick 808 beats.
She was like most female MC's at this time. She represented West Coast female MC's very well. Some people say MC Smooth sounds like a West Coast MC Lyte. Well that is absolutely correct because MC Smooth is a West Coast MC Lyte. MC Smooth definitely has that East Coast accent and flow when she raps. You can tell she was determined.
You Gotta Be Real showcased her epic storytelling skills, raps, and flows. Her flow was smooth on the song as is the case with the songs on this album. This just goes to show and exemplify how MC Smooth was fire from the jump. Her rapping skills are not to be played with or taken lightly. “TURN THAT DAMN MUSIC DOWN!!” was the phrase that was shouted helped make the song a memorable classic.
Some of you may remember that this song was used on the sketch comedy television series In Living Color during a skit where actors and actresses were playing golf back in 1990. This song kept her afloat during 1990 and 1991.
The song Smooth & Legit was the second single off her album that kept her name afloat during the year of 1990 on both the radio and television. This was the buzz single off her album.
Her flow was incredible and smooth on the song Smooth & Legit. Her flow was smooth on the song as is the case with the songs on this album. This just goes to show and exemplify how MC Smooth was fire from the jump and how her rapping skills are not to be played with or taken lightly.
The production on Smooth & Legit is dope. The way MC Smooth rides on the beats over an impeccable selection of samples is pure perfection without any flaws. The way the backing track drops out at 2:01 and returns when the then the bass returns at 2:33 after she says, “Well, come get some of this.” is just lovely. Well, come get some of this if you can compete with MC Smooth.
The samples used in this song were a reprogrammed breakbeat from Lyn Collins - Think (About It), Lightnin' Rod f/Kool & The Gang - Sport, collected snares from Technotronic - Pump Up The Jam, and Tyree - Hardcore Hip House (Double Trouble Mix).
You Think You Want Some is a bragging rights braggadocious type of rap song where MC Smooth challenges rappers and emcees (MC’s) to step up if they think they can compete with her. Again she proves that her rapping skills are not to be played with or taken lightly. You can tell she was determined. There is nothing like old school rap in the world.
4/5****!
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MC Smooth – Smooth & Legit single review
MC Smooth – Smooth & Legit is one of the best female rap singles from the year 1990. A super dope classic that most certainly extremely underrated. Her flows are exciting and attract audiences. Her flows were smooth. Her songs most certainly had bars that were fire due to her flows. MC Smooth was killing it her flows and rapping on this single. You don't hear this kind of rap anymore. MC Smooth is the dopest female MC along with several others to ever do it.
The song Smooth & Legit was the second single off her album that kept her name afloat during the year of 1990 on both the radio and television. This was the buzz single off her album.
Her flow was incredible and smooth on the song Smooth & Legit. Her flow was smooth on the song as is the case with the songs on this album. This just goes to show and exemplify how MC Smooth was fire from the jump and how her rapping skills are not to be played with or taken lightly.
The production on Smooth & Legit is dope. The way MC Smooth rides on the beats over an impeccable selection of samples is pure perfection without any flaws. The way the backing track drops out at 2:01 and returns when the then the bass returns at 2:33 after she says, “Well, come get some of this.” is just lovely. Well, come get some of this if you can compete with MC Smooth.
The samples used in this song were a reprogrammed breakbeat from Lyn Collins - Think (About It), Lightnin' Rod f/Kool & The Gang - Sport, collected snares from Technotronic - Pump Up The Jam, and Tyree - Hardcore Hip House (Double Trouble Mix).
You Think You Want Some is a bragging rights braggadocious type of rap song where MC Smooth challenges rappers and emcees (MC’s) to step up if they think they can compete with her. Again she proves that her rapping skills are not to be played with or taken lightly. You can tell she was determined. There is nothing like old school rap in the world.
5/5*****!
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Barbara Wiernik ELLIPSE - s/t album review
Barbara Wiernik ELLIPSE’s self-titled album is a modern jazz album filled with vocal jazz. The instrumentation is lively and vibrant. The lyrics and melodies she creates has astounding versatility. How she uses her voice as an instrument is truly amazing. If beautiful slow sensuous melodies what you’ve been searching and craving for, then is the album for you.
5/5*****!
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Lenny Williams – Layin' In Wait album review
If beautiful slow sensuous melodies from the 80s are what you’ve been searching and craving for, then Lenny Williams – Layin' In Wait is the album for you. This album is laced with slow jams and sensuous melodies. Soul music fans called the album Lenny Williams – Layin' In Wait a superb soul album. The smoothness of Here's a Ticket is impeccable and crystal clear. The production of the song is crystal clear. Here's a Ticket is another superb soul song of his. This song is definitely worth listening to. Fans called his superb soul song “It's Time” "the best definition of a time". He does not miss a beat when singing on his melodies.
5/5*****!
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