Best of Mixerr Album Reviews! Page 357

Professor Elemental - Apequest album review

Professor Elemental - Apequest is a primal British rap album which revolves around the subject of primates. This album is more adventurous. For example, songs such as Tempus Fugitive, Theme Music and Weird Weird West have a theme of adventure to them.


Professor Elemental talks about finding a new replacement for his butler Geoffrey because he is disappeared on the song called The Replacement.

Back when Professor Elemental was an English gentleman, he invented something called an Indifference Engine. This Indifference Engine went too far to ever mention. He was a rebel without applause.

He invited everybody to the Father of Invention. The party carried on through the giddy Limit. Comics, teas, cartoons and games were presented along with several silly gimmicks. Stop for more tea.

But wait, hang on a minute. Someone's no longer in it. His dinner's on a silver tray with no one here to bring it. Now where the hell is Geoffrey? Oh yes, he disappeared. If only Professor Elemental could find that secret track at the end of his fourth album.

It looks like Geoff's gone. He vanished like a magic trick and took Professor Elemental’s time travel trousers. And Professor Elemental is very sad that happened. He has no time to find his silly face. He is busy and impatient. Time to find a new replacement. How hard can it be to be his butler every day? It's not like he ever needed that ape anyway. Or so that’s what he thinks.

Professor Elemental placed an ad in the Times which read, "WANTED: new butler, role ideal for enthusiastic animal who doesn't mind wearing clothes"

Well at first he tried hiring a python but that python slipped right out the uniform. His lovely horse was rubbish and he couldn't find a unicorn. The brown bear looked so fetching and had looked so suitable in a suit But the brown bear mauled the postman brutally. And he couldn't find a moose at all. So he settled for a fawn but they make awful butlers.

The fawn hid when he called and left hoof prints in the butter. The pelican was silly. The pelican was as pathetic as the rabbit. And the hedgehogs stupid spikes ruined every single jacket. Professor Elemental had a bumblebee which got squashed. Then he tried some foreign help from a koala and a possum.

Professor Elemental often drifted off to the image of Geoffrey. Beaming in soft focus of his messy orange hair. He can't leave the silly sod in space like lost property. Besides he's the only one who make a proper cup of tea. Chuck the other beasts away or prepare them in his kitchen. Because this time it's time to travel time to find where Geoff is missing!


Theme Music explains how every hero needs theme music.

A hero can't start without some theme music. Every hero needs theme music. And this is Professor Elemental’s. That's brilliant.

This is music for black holes and alternative futures. This is music to play through your on-board computer. A song to play in Batmobiles. Or a man of steels iPod. Billy bats and magic words. Or marvel man, my god. Fire up your targets. The games are afoot. Underpants over tights is now a good look.

Professor Elemental begins expeditions. There is no end to his mission. There's been monkey business and his friend is missing. So he is out to find a missing friend of mine. So listen all scalawags, vagabonds, abd villains. Beware because it's on. This is just the beginning. No cape. Just a time belt with vivid shine. Every hero needs theme music and this is his. Fire up the Maxwell-o-matic scratch 3000! Professor Elemental wants to begin this mission in style.

Ladies and gentleman, Professor Elemental is drinking his tea and dropping science. When he gets stupid to the point that he is mentally mad. He is the mad scientist. He drops science as if he was butter fingers.  Scientific with madness. Back to the lab.


The song Tempus Fugitive explains and describes the epic quest Professor Elemental is on. Come take a look at his Time Travel Trousers.

Professor Elemental has a lost primate to find. He needs a primate to make tea and to clean his plate. Have you seen his ape? You see, he's his mate! Also his companion and butler. They are practically brothers. Siamese double actors attached to each other. He took his trousers an album ago. He knows he's not allowed to. So how did he go? And when has he gone to? How can Professor Elemental find him? Professor Elemental needs a machine with perfect timing.

He might make a mess since he is lost in time. He doesn't rest until Geoffrey's safe in bed. His chrono pockets are wet and soggy. Lots of important dials are cracked. The clock's running backwards.


Victorian United Kingdom meets American Wild West on his song Weird Weird West. A bit of steampunk, jazz, and rap are thrown in the collaboration.

Did you see what happened at the saloon? Professor Elemental saw the damndest thing! Now he ain't never seen nothing like that. He couldn't have been more surprised if hi own mother turned out to be a raccoon in a hat! You gotta hear what happened at the saloon!

What went down? Professor Elemental has got a story to tell you. The tale of the West. The Weird, Weird West.

Jethro, you gotta hear what happened at the saloon!

A stranger rode into town with no horse. No one knew who this stranger was. His clothes or his walk were unique. They supposed he was dangerous. He showed them a painting of an ape in a suit that had ladies fainting. But this was no bar of barflies and snitches. These were men who pulled themselves up by their britches. And women as tough as they were pretty.

And if this stranger had tried anything funny, they'd have punched out his lights and taken his money.
But he went to the bar and he grabbed him a drink. He downed it and demanded more. But before you could blink, the bar fell silent. The mood was very uneasy due to the quietness. The stranger regretted that drink once he tried it. A shot of moonshine and rattlesnake venom. That belonged to Big Jake who then drew his weapon.

But there's something kinda strange... Take a look all around. Now you're in the Wild Wild West. You're in the Weird Weird West. Not like the rest.

The stranger said,  "Stop. Wait a second friend! Let's be gentlemen, maybe even make amends! A nice game of cards. The loser buys the winner dinner!" Big Jakey just laughed. He's no beginner at cards.
Relief showed on all their faces all across the bar. But as he delt from the sleeve fell several aces, Jake's face fell. He stood up with narrow eyes.

The stranger did a dance like a badly injured sparrow. Jake struck first. The stranger had ducked. Jake missed. And punched one of three brothers, so while the stranger hid the brothers stood together. They were baddest men you've ever seen.  Jake's crew squared up. Evil, rude and mean. Someone yelled out "FIGHT!"

There's a bowdown, Jake, all Three Brothers, and the others. The brothers came out swinging bringing chaos to the bar. Dangerous men and women. Bottles smashing, people flying, punches landing, and no one left standing when it was all done.  They all went down. The good, bad, the unstable. Finally the stranger came from underneath the table.

And in walked the Sheriff. The Sheriff said, "Look, this fight is uncovered! Whoever went to get these guys, I wanna look him in the eyes. I'm about to Deputise." The stranger had gone. Best for everyone's sake. No one knows where he went or if he found his ape. No one knows what happened to him either. Take a look around. There's something kinda strange. It's the Weird, Weird West!

Well it's definitely a different kinda West if you ask me. It's a peculiar kinda West if you ask me. Different is the word that comes to my mind. It's Odd West are the words that come to my mind! It's certainly a Wacky West.

5/5*****!

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Professor Elemental - The Indifference Engine album review

The album called The Indifference Engine is another unapologetically British rap album by Professor Elemental. This is a posh British rap album driven by the sounds of jazz and hip hop. Which of course makes this also a jazzy hip hop album. Professor Elemental showcases his British heritage and British culture in his album. Only this Professor Elemental album is more driven by horn sections than his other albums.


Splendid explains how great Professor Elemental’s life is. The song is also about knowing that everything is so splendid!

Professor Elemental woke up this morning feeling super! His muffins are freshly baked. His life is great like he lives on a slice of cake with loads of ingredients. If his home is his castle, then that's most convenient. Because his home is a castle. And he laugh at the top of his turrets! His drawbridge is over a moat filled with tea and he is so far above it. He just loves it. This life of his. Life everyday is a prize that shines lighting my way through the unsightly times to the stage where he finds that the mic is mine.
Where is the butler?

Professor Elemental loves to see the friendly faces. Few are strangers in his fan bases. He loves them almost paternally. He has an orangutan serving me. Is that so eccentric? Invention just means "be open ended". It's all so splendid! Yes indeed! I'm really pleased. Well, isn't that nice?

The fresh smell of a newly mowed lawn. First cup of joy on a misty morn. When you sip from a dark brew in a sharp suit watching cartoons. Lovely roast hen with Yorkshires and gravy. Or a ride where you scream for joy on a steam-powered flying machine. Or a scene from your new ambition played in the present tense. Some sentiments sent from a loved one to end offense. Or eleven pence paid for a Marmoquin while sitting at a bar with a glass of Pimm's. Getting what you want for your birthday or watching the Las Vegas mermaids. Sitting in a deck chair listening to sea or listening to Professor Elemental. Knowing that you said what you said and you meant it because everything is ever so splendid!


Professor Elemental was inspired by the animal kingdom when writing, producing, and recording the song Animal Magic. Which is why the song has an animal theme.

The myriad wonders of nature it's true can be understood fully in my home made zoo by brain swapping with his cranial cutter. He created his apeish butler. And like any explorer forging new boundaries he found this astounding and took him an owl beak and wings. Grafted to a tortoise shell. And now his Owltoise is doing quite well. No his Chimpangoat's not the prettiest of creatures. His Donkeypede has the silliest of features. His Lobsteroos don't like their claws. And his Batraffes do fly into doors. My dear sir or madam you've never lived you've heard the Badgermingo sing or fed a tiny fish to a baby Marmoquin. It's an impressive gift. So treasure this. This is animal magic.

Step to the right as a draw back the curtain for some animal magic. There are special guests tonight. I am completely certain.

Hold for a second. I’m not joking This cage should not be open. His Camelion might be hiding loose. So's the stripy Tigoose.Yes they're stunning and wonderous. But they're cunning and they might come for us. If there's rumpus, you're able to run I trust? Run for your life! They're on a mad stampede!

They attached Professor Elemental’s head to the body of a chicken leaving him combined be combined betwixt man and beast. That is so strange and odd.


Fighting Trousers is a rap song which parodies Great of Britain’s “chap-hop” subculture. The song is also an example of steampunk hip hop.


The Quest for the Golden Frog explained the advents that led to Professor Elemental’s quest for the Golden Frog.

Attention, Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen! Professor Elemental recommends a lecture meant for special friends. So attend Professor Elemental’s adventure to the very end.

Professor Elemental’s quest was risky and his role was odd. He set out for the mystic golden frog! It was the stuff of legends. The Golden Frog was said to give the bearer a glimpse of Heaven. Plus it was quite shiny. So he first drew a map from his imagination in preparation. Then he packed his Battenberg, his Absinthe, Marmoquin, Blunderbuss, and his collapsing magic staff! Plus a tea-pot and some proper grey.

During week one, Professor Elemental crash-landed near Tanzania. The exact location is unknown. He was surrounded by savages in rabbit ears before you could say, “My good man, how queer”. He held aloft his magic spear and said, “In the name of the empire, bring me the frog!” Amazingly they made Professor Elemental their king or their god. Professor Elemental didn't think this was odd until they got to the volcano.

During week two, he used my string to tie bamboo poles. He rolled in to surf the rising tide feeling alive like a viking. What he did was take to the skies with the power of lightning. He rode a ship during a storm.

He was no closer to finding the frog on week three. But he had an absinthe party with the Munchkins of Oz! No trouble to come in to land For opium, tea, and mushrooms in Wonderland. And this is something grand from London to Australia. His cunning plan on the quest for the Golden Frog was completely and utterly unsuccessful. So he left to go settle back at home with his kettle You'll never guess what was hiding under the settee!Yes! It was Golden Frog!


Professor Elemental creates a jazzy hip hop coagulation on the song Elixir. It’s not whiskey or gin or puffed in a pipe. Not opium or laudanum. This is a different high.


Sweet Cold Colation is a skit where Professor Elemental and his wife get into a medalsome quarrel over deserts confectioneries which leads to them having sexual intercourse.

The Voyage was a success. 9 years later Professor Elemental is married. His wife asks him if he liked her dress of cakes. Professor Elemental tells her he is ever so peckish. His wife tells him he’ll never touch her again. Then one thing leads to another. They both end up having sexual intercourse.

If she cover his love with her truffles and dumplings, she’ll cover him up with her custard and something. His icing is quite superb. These lyrics imply that she masturbated.: “I've whipped my eggs till custard, smeared it over my gentle frame” and “Even servants can take their time/I’ll leave a trail of Chantilly cream behind”

Because Professor Elemental left her waiting since he has been away, all he’ll have are savouries. She’ll give it away to ladies who lunch and Lady Brumfink can have her for brunch. Even servants can take their time. She’ll leave a trail of Chantilly cream behind. Floured, pale and lusty, baked herself a cake of very dainty pastries.


A Fete Worse Than Def describes and explains what the annual Professor Elemental Village Fete. The song A Fete Worse Than Def is a song with a jazzy hip hop infusion back with rap lyrics. A Fete Worse Than Def is wordplay on “a defeat worse than death”.

There's always something new here at Elemental Manor there's something to do. Something beautiful and a little alarming being built in his English country garden. So for one day you can come and try his kind of fun on a Sunday in July. Quirky, lovely, quintessentially English. Wonderfully rubbish. Singularly distinguished!

Come on down! It isn't too late. Let me give you a taste of something a little different. Let me give you a taste of the annual Professor Elemental Village Fete! Opening now for B-boys and B-ladies. Steampunks go free, there's no need to pay him. We’ve got morris break dancers, jingling baby. Strawberries and cream with a forty of Baileys will be served.

Guess the weight of the break. The DJ rocks! Splat the rat rapper with a stick or some rocks. Hook-a-duck left the villagers particularly shocked. This is for unusual tastes. You'll need your own spoon for my hen and spoon race. Sack race for clans, crews, posses, and cliques. Who'd have guessed a village fete would have gotten remixed?


The song Steam powered is a Victorian steampunk style and type of song. Steam powered is Professor Elemental’s take on steampunk culture.

So you would like to know about Steampunk? I suppose Professor Elemental can teach you a thing or two. If you're all about steam and brass, all you need to start is tea and a flask.  A sharp set of gears in a gleaming arc in the sky race heaving and screaming past. If you're all about reaching far seeking the past on secret charts. Meeting in secret beneath the stars with a decent mask and a good mustache.

If you're really part of an army marching armed for starting a party. A said weapon so wondrous. And a specially constructed blunderbuss. So thunderous. But don't come to fuss. Got a wanderlust? Then you're one of us. We bump Steampunk. Need one of these jumped. Free powered and free fun. Here come the Steampunks.

If you want to see some obsolete technology such a brollies and slot machine, then you want to follow Professor Elemental upon an odyssey to the underwater colony at the bottom of the sea where they dock and the airlocks release. A mahogany lobby leads off into the property. Watch and you will see the monstrosities of the deep peep through the windows that we walk beneath. If you wish to see a little piece of history.

Streets glittering prettily. Just like a Christmas tree. Until the heat rose six degrees (6ºF degrees). And now we're living in the middle of the drifting sea using industries of antiquity which means wave energy, solar, wind and steam power!

Under a tunnel back in time. Covered in soot and factory grime. All other groups to the back of the line. We are the future in fact divine.

Gleaming machinery seemed to be reckoned with. Every single member is excellent. Excellent gentlemen seen with a seamstress leading a steamship in between tea sips. People need this because we're taking care of our crew like we do our facial hair. Be made aware then when making improvements. Don't call it a scene it's more of a movement. More of an era clearing the air. Taking over and nearly there. Pirates, ladies, vagrants, fiends. Welcome one and all to the age of Steam!


The song Penny Dreadful is another Victorian steampunk style and type of song which takes place in the year of 1880 where a ballon race for the sky is happening. Professor Elemental is participating in the for the sky.

The year is 1880. A ballon race for the sky is happening. To many this is an oddity bought from the foreigners out in the colonies. A race for the sky is what every inventor is aching to find in search of adventure with a well waxed mustache and a splendid top hat. These are upper class Englishmen.  One man is penny dreadful. That would be the marvelous, eccentric, Professor Elemental. He’s got a headful of ideas.

Professor Elemental is mastering his destiny. A constant creation awaiting patiently for a nation's adulation. Professor Elemental making a promise about creating a thing to take to the air on mechanical wings! And he has crafted an ark and studied the stars on parchments of the past.

Professor Elemental has been in this steam-room for months lifting these lumps, pistons, and pumps. Aided by his companion by his side. A pet orangutan with a mechanical eye.

Today Professor Elemental will fly in his moment of glory well dressed. His mustache is waxed to perfection. Unveiling his best and grandest invention. Time to cause scandal. A ship of oak pannels. Balloons, wings, a stove, ropes, and brass handles. It's loud, yet serene.

The crowd gave a scream. He launched to the sky above houses and streams soaring past clouds beyond towns in between shouting so proudly. So God save The Queen! Because everything is possible for a man in a top hat with a monkey with a monocle!

His butler Geoffrey abruptly spiked the balloon with a spoon. This adventure is hurtling and crashing into London's town centre. And swerving to a deflate. He charters to land.

Professor Elemental ends up smashing up the Big Ben clock tower. That’s not part of the plan. His ape takes the crown but the Queen's not amused. Professor Elemental has produced quite a mess. But he’ll keep his mind clear because tomorrow he’ll have his next finest idea!


Cup Of Brown Joy is an unapologetically British rap song about tea. Tea is a common theme in Professor Elemental’s songs. The song is driven by a soft lush post grand piano commonly heard in progressive jazz and lounge jazz.

Professor Elemental needs a cup of the brown stuff. The shade of an acorn made warm by the same source that he takes his cakes from. Using a teapot, a mug, or fine china. Professor Elemental has been hooked up to IVs. He need constant supplies.

A drip for his urges might verge on perverted. But for earthy brown tea, I'm certain it's worth it! With Sherpas who work herds and use a fresh fountain. Professor Elemental has discerned brews from Peruvian mountains. He’s slurped up a cuppa from an elephant's trunk with a couple of monks who utterly stunk. He’s had bourbons with sultans and creams with queens. He even has bathed in Earl Grey!

And missionaries dismiss him for his single epiphany. The difference between him and me is a simple sip of British tea! So when times are hard and life is rough, you can stick the kettle on and find him a cup. Now, when I say, "Earl Grey," you say, "Yes, please!" When I say, "Assam," you say, "Lovely!"

Professor Elemental has been around the world in 80 brews to see the place it takes him to.To make a brew that tastes like the cream cakes made by angels do. Professor Elemental is not the same as you. Professor Elemental is not in the same game as you. He is way out of your league when it comes to tea. To swig amazing fluids but don't make it the same.

Now using fine leaves picked by pretty maidens in a bag knitted by a seamstress who lives in Copenhagen, Denmark is one thing. Brewed up in a pot made of semi-precious metal. Let the blessed contents settle in his very special kettle! Earl Grey, Assam, Ginger, and Lapsang Souchong are the best kinds of teas. If you're tired of tea then you're tired of life. Cut from off a different cloth, a different lot can take their beer.


5/5*****!

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Unextraordinary Gentlemen -  No Hands to Guide Us album review

Unextraordinary Gentlemen -  No Hands to Guide Us is a dark gothic Victorian Steampunk album almost similar to gothic emo rock but is more cinematic and atmospheric using vivid realistic imagery and symbolism. This is one of their most dark albums to date.


All You Want is a dark Victorian Steampunk song that inspires people to be all they want to be even if they have no sense of direction with their lives. The song also deals with regrets and loss of innocence.

A clock with no face has no hands to guide it through the night. A clock with no face has no sense of direction. Are you a broken child? Do you have a sense of direction? Do you have a hand to guide you through the night? Do you ride the carousel? Would you like to see a show? Would you like to get away from bittersweet reality? So many questions that need so many answers. Smashing out the stained glass and smashing out the spyglass. We could be all you want.

Are you a broken clock? Would you like a full revival? Would you like some kind of guarantee of your survival? Would you like a cigarette? Are you a broken child? Well, we can take all that we see. There is so much more to life than bottled beer and dirty magazines.


Dirty Old Silver is horrifying bloody gruesome story about a sinful daughter named Molly.

Molly has got a switch and her blade. She got it made in the shadow of doorways. She gets under your skin. She’s a daughter. A daughter of sin. This terrible frame. The sound of dirty old silver is from a gun in her gown. She stares you down coldly. This is a terrible turn.

Now old Master James has got one foot in the grave these days because he is a slave to danger, love, and laudanum! Mistress Molly mothers him. She milks him to the last. There is no discipline too strict in this terrible town.

5/5*****!

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Frenchy And The Punk - Happy Madness album review

Frenchy And The Punk - Happy Madness is some perfect cabaret music to enjoy and listen to whether you’re at your house or at a party. Many of their songs are driven by a folk guitar playing single notes. Folk music meets Victorian steampunk and Edwardian steampunk on this album.


Magician and the Dancer is about a woman’s time with a male magician on stage in London, England, UK. The woman is a performer who gets swept off her feet by a bespeckled magician. They both fall in love.

A woman wearing red velvet hat and pinafore sneaks out the door with an umbrella in her hand. She slips her hands into her gloves. The streets are wet and the sky dark. Her carriage rides on cobblestone echoing through the streets of London, England, UK. She shields her face and closes her coat and steps out of her horse-drawn coach. This is to avoid any public interaction and for privacy reasons. And just like Alice, she ventures alone. Her world of colors like a kaleidoscope. She takes to the stage and she reins them in. And the crowd cries out, "Again! Again! Again!"

A dapper man with a bespeckled face wearing a bowler hat in shirt and tails appears on stage next. He is an illusionist with his sleight of hand. Really he is a magician. He charms, he deceives, he confounds. And just like Alice, he ventures alone. His world of color like a kaleidoscope.He takes to the stage and he reins them in. And the crowd cries out, "Again! Again!"

She sits backstage waiting her turn watching the magician. Who is this man? Her hearts beats faster. He catches her eye. And in that instant, their worlds collide.

And now they no longer venture alone. Their world of colors like a kaleidoscope. They take to the stage they rein them in and the crowd cries out, "Again! Again! Again!" The lights go dim and the curtain is drawn. The crowd goes home. They both fall in love.


Dark Carnivale captures that Victorian Steampunk sound and spirit that comes with carnivals. Welcome to the land of green where ogres dance and pixies dream and everyday is halloween. Where spells are cast in circles strong and children sing children songs. And that's somewhere we'll never leave. We'll never leave Halloween. We will never leave the Dark Carnivale.

Colors swirl in spiral skies. The trees stare back with willful eyes. The night doesn't frighten me. Cast a stone cast an eye. Water mirrors never lie. The earth is firm beneath your feet.

5/5*****!

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Professor Elemental – A Platter Of Platypuses album review

Professor Elemental – A Platter Of Platypuses is a posh British rap album driven by the sounds of jazz and hip hop. Which of course makes this also a jazzy hip hop album. Professor Elemental showcases his British heritage and British culture in his album. The album is unapologetically British of course. For example, you have songs about tea such as Cup Of Brown Joy and Everything Stops for Tea. Tea is a common theme in Professor Elemental’s songs. A Platter Of Platypuses is one of the lesser known jazzy hip hop albums of 2013.


Professor Elemental raps about his British heritage, the island of Great Britain, and British culture in his song called “I’m British”. The song is unapologetically British of course. Professor Elemental raps over posh British rap and future jazz. The super jazzy grand piano provides that upbeat future jazz sound. That’s where the jazzy hip hop comes from.

Professor Elemental begins every sentence with an apology. Sorry that's the case. That's just British policy. Probably the case with every thing in honesty. Professor Elemental uses 10 words when 2 would do, honestly. Now Professor Elemental is British and that makes him unique. At least when you hear him speak.

The British Empire was compromised of colonies, protectorates, and other territories administered or ruled by the United Kingdom (UK) from 1583-1951. The British Empire held nearly one fourth (1/4) of Earth’s total land area for nearly 4 centuries. But revolutions and rebellion in this colonies and the Winds of change is what led the British Empire to slowly dissolve.

Johnny foreigner is the personification of people from other countries other than those territories and counties which make up the United Kingdom (UK).

That is what the lyrics, “See we used to have an empire, but we got a little cocky/Like haha, Johnny foreigner, I'd like to see you stop me/And sure enough, we rhubarb crumbled” are references to.

Now all the drunk teens stumble in every town. He is rather glad really it made the United Kingdom more humble. He is British. He doesn't want to be fantastic. Just adequate. And if he is nice, he is probably being sarcastic.  The British are ridiculously cynical. That's what they’re like. If you can't take a joke, get on your bike. And they know not to work too hard. They’re inventive, accepting, eccentric, and a bit bizarre. Just because of the way they live.

Professor Elemental is British like a clotted cream tea. Clotted cream tea is a British snack delicacy sold in tea rooms throughout England and in some other parts of the Commonwealth. Especially in Devon and Cornwall because that is where clotted cream tea is popular.

He is British like the wickets in the Cricket sport. Like crikey, blimey, nice one, wicked. Like Wodehouse, Orwell, Wells and Poe. He’s British as Williams, James, Hattie Jacques. School dinners, roast dinners, massive cakes. Or a professor in a pith accompanied by Chimpanzees. He’s British as a chimney sweep. Chim chim cheree!

But if you delight in celebrities taken down. Or you can feel bleak joy in a seaside town as the rain pours down on your chips. Or you can drink ten pints of Adnams beer without ever breaking your stride. Or repress your emotions and passions and bury them deep inside. He’s kept a room in a cramped B&B with a TV that only shows BBC2 And he has the keys right here. He’s been keeping them just for you.

So if you're down with the Brits, then make some noise! But if you'd rather not, that's fine. I mean I don't want to cause too much of a fuss.

Well, at this point Professor Elemental would just like to take a moment to apologise on behalf of Britain for all the things that they’ve brought to the world. For example, Simon Cowell, Jim Davidson, fox hunting, black pudding, and racism. But most of all, they’re all terribly sorry about Piers Morgan.


Everything Stops for Tea is Professor Elemental’s cover of the 1935 song called Everything Stops for Tea. This cover uses modern electronic production over rap and jazz. The song is about tea being the United Kingdom’s favourite drink and England’s favourite drink.

Despite tea rationing during the Second World War, the English were addicted to the drink throughout the following decades. The Ministry of Food used the song in its 1940 exhibition and workers expected 15 minute tea breaks twice a day in all British industries in the 1950s, much to the annoyance of managers aiming to boost productivity.


Cup Of Brown Joy is an unapologetically British rap song about tea. Tea is a common theme in Professor Elemental’s songs. The song is driven by a soft lush post grand piano commonly heard in progressive jazz and lounge jazz.

Professor Elemental needs a cup of the brown stuff. The shade of an acorn made warm by the same source that he takes his cakes from. Using a teapot, a mug, or fine china. Professor Elemental has been hooked up to IVs. He need constant supplies.

A drip for his urges might verge on perverted. But for earthy brown tea, I'm certain it's worth it! With Sherpas who work herds and use a fresh fountain. Professor Elemental has discerned brews from Peruvian mountains. He’s slurped up a cuppa from an elephant's trunk with a couple of monks who utterly stunk. He’s had bourbons with sultans and creams with queens. He even has bathed in Earl Grey!

And missionaries dismiss him for his single epiphany. The difference between him and me is a simple sip of British tea! So when times are hard and life is rough, you can stick the kettle on and find him a cup. Now, when I say, "Earl Grey," you say, "Yes, please!" When I say, "Assam," you say, "Lovely!"

Professor Elemental has been around the world in 80 brews to see the place it takes him to.To make a brew that tastes like the cream cakes made by angels do. Professor Elemental is not the same as you. Professor Elemental is not in the same game as you. He is way out of your league when it comes to tea. To swig amazing fluids but don't make it the same.

Now using fine leaves picked by pretty maidens in a bag knitted by a seamstress who lives in Copenhagen, Denmark is one thing. Brewed up in a pot made of semi-precious metal. Let the blessed contents settle in his very special kettle! Earl Grey, Assam, Ginger, and Lapsang Souchong are the best kinds of teas. If you're tired of tea then you're tired of life. Cut from off a different cloth, a different lot can take their beer.


The song Steam powered is a Victorian steampunk style and type of song. Steam powered is Professor Elemental’s take on steampunk culture.

So you would like to know about Steampunk? I suppose Professor Elemental can teach you a thing or two. If you're all about steam and brass, all you need to start is tea and a flask.  A sharp set of gears in a gleaming arc in the sky race heaving and screaming past. If you're all about reaching far seeking the past on secret charts. Meeting in secret beneath the stars with a decent mask and a good mustache.

If you're really part of an army marching armed for starting a party. A said weapon so wondrous. And a specially constructed blunderbuss. So thunderous. But don't come to fuss. Got a wanderlust? Then you're one of us. We bump Steampunk. Need one of these jumped. Free powered and free fun. Here come the Steampunks.

If you want to see some obsolete technology such a brollies and slot machine, then you want to follow Professor Elemental upon an odyssey to the underwater colony at the bottom of the sea where they dock and the airlocks release. A mahogany lobby leads off into the property. Watch and you will see the monstrosities of the deep peep through the windows that we walk beneath. If you wish to see a little piece of history.

Streets glittering prettily. Just like a Christmas tree. Until the heat rose six degrees (6ºF degrees). And now we're living in the middle of the drifting sea using industries of antiquity which means wave energy, solar, wind and steam power!

Under a tunnel back in time. Covered in soot and factory grime. All other groups to the back of the line. We are the future in fact divine.

Gleaming machinery seemed to be reckoned with. Every single member is excellent. Excellent gentlemen seen with a seamstress leading a steamship in between tea sips. People need this because we're taking care of our crew like we do our facial hair. Be made aware then when making improvements. Don't call it a scene it's more of a movement. More of an era clearing the air. Taking over and nearly there. Pirates, ladies, vagrants, fiends. Welcome one and all to the age of Steam!

5/5*****!